


Killing the messenger

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: By Master Yogie.Impulses can be strong, but futile.
Relationships: Gandalf | Mithrandir/Saruman | Curunír
Kudos: 4
Collections: Least Expected





	Killing the messenger

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: LOTR and all its characters are Tolkien's alone. No money is being made with this.  
>  Story Notes: My first surjourn into the realm of Tolkien slashdom. This was first posted as part of a RPG, but I thought others might like it. And since S/G stories are so far and few between . Thank you Izzy for sharing and Tarn for being an inspiration!

The wind blows gently through the open window in the top-most chamber of the tower of Orthanc. My residence, my fortress. My prison ... 

I'm held captive here against my will by thoughts of a time when there still was hope for this land. When the Istari acted and moved as one, without strife between   
them. Without distrust and hatred. 

When I called him my love! 

"Oh Olorin ... my Olorin, why did you have to be so stubborn? I didn't want you in pain. No! No ..." 

Would he believe me? Now that he has seen my hunger for him, for this world? Now that he knows this side of me I hadn't thought possible to rest within myself? When the only way out is to join with the enemy, in hopes to rise against him later and make things right once more? 

Why can't he see my logic? Why didn't he trust me any longer? Have I changed so much? No! 

With a trick I have learned from old Radagast, I call one of those fragile creatures of the night to my hand. A moth. Hadn't it been one of these creatures that helped my love escape? Surely, it will serve me as it served him, and so I talk to this, my unlikely messenger. 

"Fly, little moth! Find Gandalf and tell him ... how much I miss his touch and his caresses. His mind. Our union. Tell him of the old days, when we were one, he and I, and ...and..." 

The little creature in my palm stirs its wings, and suddenly I am struck with a wave of futility and despair. Will he even listen to my message? Will Olorin ever listen to me again? 

No. Of course not. I am a foolish old man, and all I have left are my memories and a promise of a better time which I will help shape. For me, for him. For what we have been. Together! 

I close my eyes and tears run down my cheeks as my fingers close and squash the last hope I had. Forever to be silenced. 

The End


End file.
